Holding On to You
by wishonastar
Summary: 5 'What If' scenarios from episode, eg what if Rayna had answered Deacon's phonecall from the jail in Season 1? All Rayna/Deacon centric. Rating T for later chapters.
1. Rescuing

_Title from Miranda Lambert's 'Holding On to You.' The lyrics seem so perfect for these two!_

 _There will be 5 parts to this story, with different 'what if' scenarios based on episodes. Rated T for later chapters._

 _For this first chapter, I just wondered what would have happened if Rayna had answered Deacon's call from jail in Season 1?_

 **Part 1**

Rayna woke with a start at the sound of her phone. Piercing the silence, its shrill tone brought her suddenly into consciousness and she prised open her eyes to check the caller ID. As it showed 'unknown caller,' she took a moment to check the clock and the late, or rather early, hour caused a sense of panic to begin its rumbling. Half out of dread, Rayna held her breath for a second before answering the call.

"Hello?" came her greeting, laden with sleep.

"I have a collect call from - " Rayna's breath hitched as she guessed what was coming. The West Nashville Detention Facility automated had always stirred a wave of nausea in her stomach. Images from years ago flashed through her mind. Deacon drinking. Deacon shouting. Deacon fighting, crying, begging for forgiveness. Rayna regretted their conversation at Teddy's event, recalling the same lost look in his eyes that she never could say no to. Of course, years ago, not being able to say no ended in tangled limbs and sweaty sheets. Now it meant them both walking away hurting. Her to a husband she no longer loved and him to an empty bed, or so Rayna hoped. One thing they hadn't been able to change was their inability to let each other go. 12 years apart and Rayna could still feel his lips on hers, his arms around her begging for another chance. Deacon could hold her soul captive with one look and she knew it. And she hated him for it. And she hated herself for not being strong enough to move on. It had been so much easier to fight with him when tequila and scotch could be blamed. But this? This hurt, this distance between them. Rayna didn't have any coping strategies for this, and she didn't have the soothing balm of precious moments that came in the middle of the night, when their bodies were finally exhausted and Deacon was whispering his love for her over and over, close behind her, breathy and deep in her ear. Now, Rayna was in a world of confusion and felt like she was drowning with no one to save her. The automated voice broke into her thoughts.

"Press 1 to accept or 2 to decline."

Rayna paused, thumb poised above the screen. Going anywhere at this time of night was bound to cause an almighty marital row with the stranger sleeping next to her. But this was Deacon. Her Deacon, but not really hers. The fact that he hadn't been **hers** now for over 12 years now was immaterial. Eveyone knew that even when Rayna and Deacon weren't together, they still were. There was that connection, and although shrouded in pain, anger and sadness, it was anchored by happiness, love and a hope against hope, a subconscious feeling that eventually somehow, it would be the two of them together for better or worse.

Rayna was already half way to the ensuite by the time she reached down to press the button. She heard Teddy stirring but closed the door behind her anyway. "Hello?" she whispered, not really sure how else to start.

"Ray," then silence. It would seem that Deacon didn't know how to begin either. "I'm sorry to call you. I didn't want it to be you, but…..I need you."

Rayna sighed as she held the tears at bay. She was mad as hell, but concern was the overriding feeling. Letting out a shaky breath, she sent up a silent prayer that 150 months of sobriety hadn't been thrown away on a stupid argument. Rayna counted the weeks and months too. She knew it would kill Deacon to lose that, would break both of 'd had worse rows over the years, but this had felt different somehow, more personal, and none of the others had ended with Deacon in jail. Not since he'd been sober. Rayna couldn't stand for her actions and words to be part of the cause, as she'd felt it was so many times before, in spite of Deacon's reassurance that she was the best thing in his life, not the root of the problem.

"I'm on my way."

Deacon sighed as he heard the click of Rayna hanging up the phone. His forehead hit the cold stone wall with more force that he had planned, but he wasn't sorry. He'd have smashed his own skull in right there if the guard hadn't laid a firm hand on his shoulder to lead him back to the cell.

 _Bail him out. Rescue him. Save him from himself. Take him back._

All things he'd asked Rayna to do in the past. They'd both thought the days of her dragging his sorry ass out of jail were over. Deacon's heart sank into his stomach as the wave of disappointment washed over him. He only had himself to blame. He should have let Rayna go years ago, moved away and started over. Hell, there were other places to play in bars and make other people's records. The thing that was keeping him in Nashville has never seemed so far away before, so dirty and ruined and stamped on. Rayna had always been in his life because he wanted her to be, and she didn't seem to want to let him go either - although he always wondered whether that was so she could keep an eye on him. Thinking about her as anything other than a musician who knew what she wanted and a concerned friend, was too tempting for Deacon. Thinking about her as anything other than a devoted mother and loving wife took his mind back to the bed of a dirty pickup truck, a tiny bathroom stall in a dive bar, their first couch. Thinking about her without the distance between them that was so present now, meant thinking about her lying naked in his arms whilst she called out her love for him with a few other, less romantic, more passionate sentiments. It was all or nothing with the two of them and it had been nothing for far too long. Deacon so badly wanted that to change, still after all these years, and he'd been dreaming of their could've-been life for years, but here he was, calling her from a jail cell at 3am instead of making love to her in arena dressing rooms while their babies slept at home.

"Claybourne," barked the guard, an hour or so later, pulling the cell door open. Deacon looked up and started towards the front desk, following the guard. Rayna was waiting, her hair pulled up into a ponytail, baggy jumper hiding a t-shirt from years ago. He couldn't meet her eyes whilst he collected his belt, wallet, keys, cellphone. She wrapped her arms around herself and he felt her eyes looking him over. It was a routine he wished didn't feel so familiar. She was checking for injuries, trying to figure out if it had been a fight, a fall, a crash. Her eyes settled on his knuckles and she bit the inside of her lip, frowning and turning on her heel to head to the SUV she had pulled up on. He trailed behind her, not wanting a ride, but just knowing that he owed her an explanation.

"Ray-"

"Get in the car Deacon," he looked up at the angry tone in her voice, which quavered as she tried to keep it in check. As their eyes finally met, he was saddened to see the exhaustion in her eyes. Part frustration, part hurt and large parts just plain tired.

Rayna spotted the moment Deacon turned into a sad schoolboy, disappointed in himself and terrified of what was coming. They both knew in that moment that the next few hours would be one of those page turn moments in their relationship and a strange sense of foreboding and yet relief washed over Rayna. She needed them to move forwards. Or backwards. Anywhere. She was just so tired of treading water. Being married to a man like Teddy was tiring. He was a good man, a respected man and a good father. She couldn't hate him and shouldn't resent him after all he had done for their family. It wasn't really him she resented, but the life she was living. A heavy weight made itself at home just between her lungs every morning as she woke, still married to a man she no longer loved. She wanted to, God knows it would be easier, but with every day that passed, she realised she had been a fool to think that having Deacon around would be anything other than torture, reminding her of the love she wished she could allow herself to surrender to.

They rode in silence until Deacon realised that Rayna had missed into East Nashville and had them instead on the road out of town.

"Ray?"

She stared straight ahead, not ready to start talking, but firm enough in her gaze to let Deacon know that she damn well knew what she was doing and wouldn't be talked out of it. Deacon sat back in his seat, adjusted his belt and settled in for the short journey to the cabin.

Deacon went ahead and opened up the cabin door whilst Rayna threw a couple of things in her bag and locked up the car. She laid her bag down on the couch whilst he got a fire started. He made coffee whilst she found a blanket to cover herself in. A strange sense of routine surrounded them, as if it hadn't been 12 years since they were here together. Rayna took a moment whilst Deacon turned on the lamp to take in the pictures on the walls, the feel of the rug beneath her bare feet, the smell of smoke from the fire mixed with the fresh hot coffee. As she blinked her eyes she could have sworn it was 1995 and they had escaped to the cabin to write songs and spend their evenings not writing a single note or lyric. As Deacon sat down beside her, Rayna forced herself out of memories and dragged her mind back to the far less attractive prospect of the present day.

She let out the breath she had been holding. Deacon could've sworn she had been holding it the whole way from the jail.

"Do we need to call Coleman?" Deacon flinched at the mention of his sponsor's name. Of course. He mentally kicked himself. Of course, she needed to hear him reassure her that 150 months of sobriety hadn't been thrown away so carelessly. He would have been offended at her loss of faith in him if he didn't feel like it was justified.

"No. God Rayna, I swear to you, I never even thought about drinking tonight." For the first time in while, Deacon saw no anger or frustration in Rayna's eyes as she met his gaze; only relief and pain. All kinds of pain. In that moment he wasn't sure whether the pain was fresh from this evening, or just Rayna's default setting whenever she was around him. He hoped to God not the latter, because his heart was already in pieces at the very idea of making her hurt again. "Some jackass at The Bluebird was making smart comments during my set, about you and me and me being nothing but a sideshow. I just lost it in the parking lot is all. I'm sorry."

The tears started to run down Rayna's cheeks before she could even summon the energy to stop them. It felt so good to breathe again without the worry of that weighing down on her chest. She gasped in between sobs, greedily taking in all the air possible. She didn't stop Deacon as he gathered her into his arms and kissed the top of her hair. Deacon cried too, silently, whilst her sobs tore through the silence. He rested back against the couch cushions and let her grasp onto his shirt. Of course he wished it was in different circumstances, but God it felt good to hold her again. In a twisted way, this 'all,' this painful, desperate embrace was always going to be better than the 'nothing' little one arm hugs, cursory pecks on the cheek they had exchanged over the years, under the watchful eye of Teddy, Lamar, Tandy, Coleman, Bucky, all of their caretakers, saving them from themselves. The cabin was just Rayna and Deacon, with her mascara in streaks and his calloused thumbs wiping them away, tilting her face up to his as her cries grew quieter. Rayna brought her hands up to run them his hair and they sat for a while, foreheads touching, breath mingling.

The fight against natural urges was hard for both of them. But Rayna wasn't a cheater, and nor was Deacon. Whilst Teddy was at home sleeping in their bed, both singer and guitar player knew that there was no way their problems were getting solved in the bedroom. So Rayna reluctantly extracted herself from his arms and gathered her things.

"I brought you here to talk, but honestly Deacon, I don't think I know what to say. I'm exhausted. My marriage is falling apart and I'm realising that I don't even really want it to be rescued. But I feel like I have to, for the sake of the girls."

Deacon rose from the couch too now, joining her as she moved through the cabin towards the door. Sensing she needed to talk, he stayed quiet, a habit he wished he could break. He'd give anything just to grab her, kiss her, tell her everything would be ok, that they didn't need anybody else and call a cab to bring her girls up here right away. He'd keep them all safe in the cabin, away from the world and all its cameras, away from any bright lights. The firelight would do just fine, just like he'd written on that napkin a whole lifetime ago.

"I wanna do right by you Deacon. I just don't think I can do that yet, and I don't think I can do it with you so close by. I've loved you since I was sixteen years old. I don't know how to be without you, but I feel like I need to find out. Can you understand that?"

"I don't want to Ray, but yeh - I think…I know I want to stop you from hurting, to take that look out of your eyes. One day, hope it's not too far from now, I want you to be able to come up here without the pain in your eyes, and see it how you did the first time I brought you here. I want you to look at me that way too. Like I'm brand new. Before Vince, before the drinking, back when you and me were the only two people in the world."

Rayna took his hands in hers and pressed them against her heart, crying again softly whilst he continued.

"Baby, I want you more than you can imagine, but you're right. We need to this right this time. It's been too damn complicated and too hard for too long. I wanna start again with you."

"I'm not sure that's possible Deacon. And I'm not sure I want that. Deacon Claybourne -" She took his face in her hands, "you are still the man I wanted the first time I laid eyes on you playing that guitar, I know it's you. But we've lost our way, both of us, and we need to find it again by ourselves. I believe that you're the same man you said you always wanted to be. I believe in you babe," with that, she took a risk and touched her lips softly to his. They lingered there for a little longer than she had planned and she felt Deacon's hand at her waist, pressing her more firmly into him. She was too busy savouring the taste of him after all this time to move away from him in that very second, so they stayed connected a moment longer. As she finally broke away, she looked into his eyes for a second, taking what she needed, the reassurance that he would be ok, that _they_ would be ok. Then, without words, she turned and left him standing in the doorway as the sun started to rise, looking on as she drove away.

By the time Scarlett came to collect him the next day, Deacon had slept better than he had in weeks. The blanket smelt of her and just her presence in the cabin had given the place a new scent, a different energy. They were moving forwards and for the time being, apart, but it felt like the right thing right now. He knew he needed to move past their history to be able to even contemplate being the man he needed to be for himself, before he could maybe one day be the man she needed him to be.


	2. Canoeing

Part 2

Author's Note - I decided that the cabin will feature in each chapter - it's like the only place they can be themselves together and seems like the ideal location for heart to hearts! Definitely more like an M rating - adult situations...

So this is:

'What if Rayna and Deacon actually did go...'canoeing.' Following from episode 1x19, the limo never gets them back to Deacon's house.

"You can't tell me you don't love me, cos that's the one thing I'll never believe."

'God bless this man,' Rayna thought.

"I love you…." she said, inching closer to him with tears in her eyes, "I love you so much." So she showed him just how much in the best way she knew how. The phjysical connection they were capable of hadn't suffered after all those years apart. Hell, thought Rayna, it hadn't suffered during those years apart. There was a barely a moment they had spent together when she wasn't just the tiniest bit open to the idea of leading him offstage by his guitar strap and….'writing a song.' That had been their code for so many years, stealing secret moments in dark supply closets and against locked dressing room doors.

Working on new material

Ironing out a few kinks

There's a few lyrics to look at in that bridge, Ray

And a few chords to change, Deacon

They never fooled anyone and Deacon had told her as much. But Rayna wanted the private kept private, protesting that they shared enough intimate material onstage every night, songs that were so much a part of both of them that it felt like she might as well have passed her journal around the auditorium.

"Besides," she'd whispered one night into his ear, right as his hands reached around to unfasten her bra, both crammed into the backseat of his truck, "isn't this way kind of hot?" Deacon had agreed.

Memories of backseats and Deacon brought Rayna back to the present and the feeling of the strong hands on her hips, waiting paritentialy for her to set the pace. Rayna threw a glance towards the driver to confirm that the privacy screen was all the way up. Safe in the knowledge taht TMZ weren't going to be running a Deana/Raycon/whatever-stupid-name-they'd-come-up-with-special in the morning, she grabbed a handful of Deacon's hair and pulled his lips to hers. Deacon took the signal that tongiht was about hard, fast and often. They'd had plenty of nights - normally he was apologising, or they were fighting (and making up) and by the time the sun was rising, they were both sore and exhausted. The thought of that Rayna, the wild, crazy, passionate Rayna, was something Deacon was pretty sure only he'd had the pleasure of seeing. Unless he was very wrong about Teddy Conrad, there was no way in hell he could handle that particlular side of the fiery redhead. Deacon's hand tangled in that red hair as he banished all thoughts of Teddy and tore his lips reluctantly from Rayna's, gasping for air. He pressed her against the cool leather of the seat and moved his lips instantly to her neck, licking and sucking whilst his hands moved to free her shoulders and arms from her jacket. As she arched into him, finally breathing again, he felt her breasts push up against his shirt and he claimed her mouth again with his own. Rayna stroked both of her softer hands down his back and Deacon, forgetting where he was, trailed his hands almost unconsciously up to her breasts, stroking his thumbs over the nipples he could feel through the thin blouse and lingerie she was wearing. Black lace if he had to take a guess. Her favourite, and his.

Who am I kidding? Deacon thought to himself as Rayna sighed at his touch. Rayna in red, purple, blue. Rayna in anything at all. Naked Rayna. He didn't have a favourite, he'd take her in anything. (And anywhere). Distracted by his thoughts, Deacon had given Rayna too much time to think and she suddenly pushed his hands and lips away.

"Babe we can't -"

"Sure we can. Hell, wouldn't be the first time -"

Rayna pulled herself out of his grasp, moving away to the other side of the seat, putting space between their panting bodies. She took in his appearance. Rumpled shirt, ruffled hair, lipstick smeared across his face - all signs of the night to come. Rayna laughed openly at him, her earlier tears lost somewhere between the first kiss and feeling Deacon's reaction to her moans pressing into her leg. Deacon laughed too and Rayna's heart felt lighter than it had in a long time. It felt good to laugh with him. The other night at his house had been beautiful, wonderful she had told Tandy. Rediscovering each other's bodies, those sweet spots that made her gasp and him groan. Kissing until they had both come back down to Earth, her still trembling in his arms. Sleeping and waking without an inch between them, all the years in between forgotten.

But tonight? Tonight they were laughing. Rayna was hiding a secret, but for now they were laughing and that meant the kind of night where they'd love each other hard enough, fast enough and often enough to cover up the secrets and keep the laughter ringing through the night for just as long as possible. It used to mean alcohol and lots of it. Tequila for her, whiskey for him. Now it just meant breathing in the scent of each other and getting dizzy from the heat their bodies were creating. And there was only place for that.

"Babe," she practically purred from the other side of the backseat, "take me to our cabin."

Rayna turned the key in the lock and hurried inside, whilst Deacon tried his very best to count to 200 behind the wheel of her truck. After having swapped the limousine for the more practical vehicle, she'd spent the drive up there driving him crazy with gentle touches to his thigh and looks that told him she knew exactly what he was thinking about. As they parked up, she'd begged him to give her a few minutes to 'set the mood.' He'd reached across to press her against the inside of the passenger door and kiss her senseless, breaking away to reassure her he was damn well already in the mood.

"Babe," she'd moaned as his lips made their way from hers around to her ear, teeth tugging lightly on her earlobe, expensive earrings lost God knows where. "Babe. Please?" Rayna tugged him away from her by the collar of his shirt and pouted, her look giving him all kinds of hints, teasing what was to come. "If you just wait here, ever so patiently, and give me just a couple of minutes, I'll make it worth your while…." Her voice trailed off as she ran a wandering hand once again up and down his thigh. Deacon's jaw tightened along with the muscles she played with under her fingers and let out a shaky breath and a quiet, "you'd better." He'd managed up to '25, 26' before distracting thoughts of Rayna and porch swings, Rayna and sheepskin rugs, Rayna in bathtubs, had come flooding into his mind. This cabin was so inescapably theirs and he'd never been able to take another woman there. Truth be told, he'd never wanted to. If he was there and closed his eyes, no matter how long it had been, he could still feel her wrapped around him there in front of the fire, every inch of them touching breathing together as they reached their peak.

His cell lit up with a text, breaking through the memories.

Now.

One word was all it took to have Deacon sprinting from his truck. One heeled boot in the doorway had him intrigued, and another in front of the couch had him excited. He spotted a pair of black jeans behind the couch and a sheer black blouse in front of the kitchen counter, but it was the lacy black bra hanging from the hallway door that had his feet racing in the direction of the bedroom. A sultry whisper was what had him turn on his heel back towards the kitchen counter though.

"Hey cowboy."

Leaning against the wall in a kitchen alcove was Deacon's favourite pair of legs, topped with his favourite pair of black lace panties and his favourite mane of red hair, half tucked into his old Ryman t-shirt. Rayna couldn't help but smirk at her cowboy gaping at her hurriedly prepared treat. She reached up to untangle her hair from the old familiar material covering her torso as she turned to walk away, knowing all too well that Deacon would be enjoying a glimpse of a little more back lace from his favourite angle. She reached her destination and slipped the CD into the player. A couple of new demos from new artists had caught her attention earlier in the day. Deacon raised an eyebrow as he tried to recognise the beat and riffs coming through the speakers.

'You look good in the palm of my hands….'

Deacon moved towards the coffee table. It wasn't a song he recognised but he sure was enjoying the way that Rayna's legs were dancing along to it. Maybe it wasn't her usual style, but she was pulling off the rock vibe pretty damn well, swaying and bouncing along to the beat. She danced slowly towards him with a sly smile on her face. Running her hand down from his shirt collar to his belt, her other hand peeled off his jacket arm by arm, pausing as his hands were pinned to his side to place a gentle, wet kiss to his lips. Deacon's jacket soon fell to the floor, but as his hands reached for Rayna, she danced out of his grasp, giggling at his eagerness.

"Take a seat," Rayna's voice broke through the music as Deacon followed her eyes towards the couch. No way was he arguing with this Rayna, so he willingly followed the order. He saw a glint of mischief in her eyes as the song launched into a chorus.

'There you go sliding you hand in my pocket,

Lighting me up and I kinda like it.'

'Oh yeah,' thought Deacon, 'I definitely like it. What it is that's got into Rayna tonight.' This was his love at her best; free, sexy and in control. He watched as she tossed her hair over her shoulder, strolling towards him like she was just about ready to devour him head to toe. The thought of his being Rayna's next meal sent another jolt of that electric something that existed between them straight to his increasingly tight pants. Rayna reached for his hand as she got closer, taking it firmly in her own and brushing it softly along the inside of her thigh, then outside and around to her lace-clad ass cheeks.

'Here I am breaking into a cold hot sweat,

You ain't even got started yet,'

Deacon chuckled as he grabbed a handful of the soft, firm flesh so temptingly presented to him. He was beginning to understand why she had chosen this song. A demo, he guessed. It had all the sexual frustration and energy some of their early hits were famous for. And she sure had him in a cold hot sweat right now.

'You don't even know…

You're fire.'

Oh she knew. Rayna chuckled too, as she ran her free hand through Deacon's hair, giving him a gentle tug to meet her eyes with a smile. From her standing position, she dropped another teasing kiss onto his open mouth, letting her tongue slip out to wet his lips as she pulled away. Pushing him back into the couch, she took in his ruffled appearance and the outline of what she was desperate to lay her hands on pressing against the black fabric of his trousers.

'Every step makes me want you more,

Oh and I thought I wanted you before….

You're fire.'

Yes indeed, she knew she was fire to him, but he was to her too. The sex, this kind of sex, this was what she had craved all these years and never had with Teddy. The intimacy she had missed too of course, the love and the meeting of souls….but definitely the sex. The feeling of him hard as a rock inside of her, pumping fast and sending the sky crashing down around her more than once a night on most occasions. There had been several times towards the end of their marriage when Rayna had performed her wifely duties with Teddy purely out of guilt, having spent far too long alone in the shower, dreaming of Deacon's touch.

'And the guitar playing,' she thought, as the song kicked into a guitar solo. Moving to straddle Deacon's hips, Rayna lowered herself so that black lace met his crotch. 'Talk about teasing...I could watch this man play guitar all day long and only get through half the things I've thought about him doing with those fingers.' As she crashed her lips down onto his, she buried her hands in his hair and Deacon played with the edge of her underwear, teasing and stroking as Rayna noticed the same wet pooling and heat that she had experienced onstage so many times; looking over at Deacon biting his lip in concentration, those talented fingers plucking away.

'Face is red as a dirty joke

Shakin those hips, lickin those lips,'

Deacon looked up at the woman responsible for driving him to distraction with more than one dirty joke over the years. She leant down to run her tongue across his lips and he felt her teeth nip a little before she moved her mouth's attention to his neck. Peppering his sweet spots with wet kisses, she bent and loosened the first of his shirt buttons with her teeth, fingers hurrying to unfasten the rest. As Deacon brushed a hair from her eyes, Rayna pulled his shirt loose from his waistband, before starting work on his belt buckle. Soon, Deacon sat naked whilst Rayna stood and slid the scrap of lace down her legs. The t-shirt stayed in place as the next demo began to play.

'I ain't seen anything like….

The way you wore my t-shirt.'

Rayna just about managed to take his breath away in any clothes, or none at all, but there was something primal in him that was all the more aroused by the sight of her wearing nothing but his shirt. Something that made him just desperate to throw her down onto the rug and love her 'till the sun came up. Something that had him itching to suck hard on that spot on her neck that made her moan and lick the pain away whilst his mark formed. Deacon reached for her as she once again settled in his lap, his obvious desire for her cradled between them, hard against her stomach. He relished in the feel of her bare cheeks wiggling in his lap, taking them in his hands, massaging and pulling her even closer to him as their mouths continued to taste and savour each other. As she groaned and writhed above him, one strong hand floated under the simple cotton to tease a nipple with his thumb, forcing a fresh gasp from her lips. He toyed with the idea of stripping the t-shirt over her head, leaving her breasts open to him, allowing his lips to latch onto her there as she shattered around him. That something primal in him wouldn't allow it though, there being something so sexy about the whole thing, Deacon enjoying smelling himself on her for the first time in so long.

Rayna was getting impatient. The teasing and stroking had been fun, and god knows she loved the power of being able to set the pace, but when Deacon's hand had found its way to her breast, she had felt a new damp patch form on her love's thigh and groaned at the sensation, grinding against him. Reaching down between them and rising up, she joined them with a loud, long moan. She felt the rumble of Deacon's laughter against her breasts mixed with his sharp intake of breath, knowing that he would tease her later for her inability to stay quiet with him inside of her, something that had landed them in embarrassing situation more than once. Right now though, Rayna Jaymes just didn't give a damn. In that moment, with no-one around for miles, she reserved the right to scream the whole cabin down and be as loud as she wanted to be. Needed to be. The feeling of Deacon inside of her, filling her and stretching her was too good after years of missing him. As she circled her hips slowly, luxuriously, relishing in the feel of him hot inside of her, every moan and sigh left her lips free and loud. Their rhythm was faster than their reunion, both scrambling to find their peak and drive the other to theirs, both taking selfishly and giving with everything they had. As their hips met again and again, the nub Rayna could feel burning for attention was given the delicious friction it needed to push her over the edge with a loud cry, mixing expletives and endearments as she clenched around Deacon. Not far behind her, Deacon lifted Rayna from her position, feeling her muscles relax and knowing the strength she had, had been used up in maintaining their furious pace. He turned them both, Rayna now facing the back of the couch, the heat of their encounter forcing her to finally strip off his t-shirt. He reached around her to grasp her breasts in his hands, steadying himself as he entered her again, the new angle affording her a different sensation, reawakening parts of her she thought were too tender to continue. Deacon swept aside her hair and placed messy kisses on her neck as he rocked in and out of her with all the energy he had left, moaning a final "Ray," as she came apart once more, pulling him over the edge with her. They collapsed together onto the couch, gasping for air as the demos came to an end.

"Well that was a terrible idea," Rayna managed, with a smirk on her face. "I can't possibly sign those artists now…."


	3. Maddie

_Ok so this is – What if Maddie had gone to Deacon's when she ran away from the gala in Season 2. I couldn't remember the first time Maddie called Deacon 'dad' so I may be toying with the timeline slightly but – hope you enjoy! Let me know if there are any 'what ifs' you'd like to read? I'm enjoying writing these so there might be more chapters than I'd previously said!_

Deacon pulled away from Megan, startled at hearing a knock at the door.

"Rayna?" Deacon muttered as he recognised the silhouette through the covered glass. He'd recognise that hair anywhere, even just the outline.

"Is Maddie here?" She was panicked, obviously upset, and Deacon cursed himself for noticing how beautiful she looked. Now obviously wasn't the time, but yet he found his eyes raking over her body in that dress. _Breathtaking. Get a hold of yourself, man!_

"What? Ray what's going on? Why would Maddie be here?"

"We were at the symphony, she's angry, she's been listening to your album non-stop, and now Teddy and that woman, God! –"

"Ray! Ray! Listen to me," he took he arms in his grasp, forcing her to take a breath and meet his eyes, "you're not making sense, where's Maddie?"

"I don't know! She ran away – I, we, she's gone Deacon." Rayna felt the tears threatening to spill but instead blew out a shaky breath, knowing she needed to keep her head if they were going to find her. _Dammit Maddie._ She was so sure her daughter would've come here, God knows Rayna felt like running here whenever there was a problem. Now thought, she'd involved Deacon for no reason. Except there was a reason, Rayna thought to herself. Deacon is Maddie's father. She'd spent so many years pretending that he wasn't, now it was just taking time to get used to the idea that she could involve him in these things, that she should. She could come to him for help, she could ask him to help her take care of their daughter, she could cry on his shoulder when things went wrong. No. No, she definitely shouldn't be doing that. Aside from the guilt she would feel complaining to him after she kept him from his daughter all those years, that sounded a little too much like a relationship and their last attempt at one of those ended up with him in a bar and her in a coma.

"Did you call the police?" A female voice from behind them caused Rayna to spin round before Deacon could respond to Megan's question.

She looked flushed. That was the first thing Rayna noticed. Slowly the information she was being presented with fell into place and Rayna noted with regret the twinge of jealousy that knotted in her stomach. She knew that particular shade of flushed because she'd worn it so often herself. That was no expensive make-up shade, it was from the 'just been kissed by Deacon Claybourne' range.

"God I'm sorry, I've interrupted you – I should go. I just thought – oh God where is she?" Rayna cried quietly as she turned to make her way through the open door and down the steps to her truck. She felt his strong hand on her bare wrist before she got there.

"I'm coming with you."

"No Deacon, please – stay here. I really think she might come here. Please? I'll call you the second I know anything but I think she'll come to you." He hated letting her go like this, not even sure she should be driving with tears running down her face. But she was pulling herself out of his grasp before he's had a chance to object, so he watched as her truck pulled away, feeling more helpless than the day she'd driven away from the crash site all those months ago, even more helpless than the day she told him she'd married Teddy whilst he was locked away trying to stay sober for the both of them. This was different though. He felt helpless in his love for Rayna, not knowing how to move past it, over it or around it. But Maddie? She needed him, and he was going to be there for her when she knocked on his door. Deacon closed his eyes and sent up a silent prayer that he wouldn't have to wait too long for that moment.

He felt Megan's hand on his shoulder. "You ok?" He turned to look her in the eyes. She was beautiful, smart, sensitive but feisty. In many ways, everything Rayna was. But she wasn't Rayna. Deacon suddenly felt guilty. He had been on a date, trying to move on from Rayna, trying to start again with someone new, whilst his little girl was struggling. From what Rayna had said, it sounded like the good old Mayor was about ready to marry that Peggy woman who'd made Ray feel so inferior back in high school, part of the old money crowd up at the country club. He remembered how Rayna had cried one night as he held her, before they were anything official, because those girls had laughed at her music, making fun of her mother and spreading all kinds of gossip about her parents' marriage. That had been the first time she'd cried to him, the first time he felt his heart break at the sound of her sobs. She'd been tired, she said the morning after, but he knew that Rayna Wyatt would always put on a brave face when she needed to, saving her crying for the couch in the candlelight, a pair of arms around her. He'd hoped it would be his arms for the rest of their lives, and he was harbouring that hope still.

"Deacon?" Megan's soft voice broke through his thoughts again. "Can I do anything to help?"

He sighed. "No Megan, I don't think you can."

It was an hour later when Deacon finally heard a knock at the door. He had called Maddie's cell more times in the last sixty minutes than the whole time he'd known her. He'd called Rayna a couple of times too, just to check she hadn't forgotten to call him. There was still a part of him that felt like she might leave him out of the news – happy or sad. It was stupid, he knew, she had promised to call and Rayna never broke her promises. Old insecurities though, they seem to just cling on.

He opened the door to a cold and frightened girl with a tear stained face.

"Thank God," he breathed into her hair as he held her close. He pulled her inside with him, closing the door on the cold air that had settled with the early morning darkness. "Maddie, look at me," he held her face in his hands, tilting her chin to look him in the eye. "You ok? You're not hurt?"

"No. I'm fine. I'm sorry Deacon, I know it's late, I just -"

"Hey hey hey sweet girl, stop," Deacon brushed a few tears from her face, "that don't matter right now, just as long as you're safe ok?" Maddie nodded, his care washing over her and starting the tears afresh. This is what a Dad should be doing, not marrying that stupid Peggy woman. Maddie knew she maybe was overreacting, she'd realised that after about an hour in the cold and dark, but she was just so angry. Her Dad was choosing to flaunt his relationship with Peggy in front of everyone, when everything in their lives was already complicated and public enough. He hadn't been there when girls at school were whispering about why her mom was in a car with Deacon when he was drunk, or when she'd heard her mom crying herself to sleep in the music room, more than once in the last few months. Deacon hadn't been there either, but Maddie felt like that wasn't his fault. He didn't know because everyone had kept it from him. They'd both been kept out of the decision making all these years. So when the dark and the cold got too much, there was only one place she felt she could go.

"Are you gonna call my mom?" Maddie asked, secretly hoping that he'd say yes. It wasn't her mom's fault that her dad was marrying Peggy and she felt kind of awful for worrying her in this way. She was still angry about her mom's decision to keep Deacon out of her life all this time, but she was still her mom. She still loved her and she was kind of craving a mom hug to feel safe again.

"Yep. That's exactly what I'm doing right now. You, however, are freezing, so why don't you curl up under this blanket here and I'll make you a –" Deacon realised he wasn't sure what she'd drink. Do teenagers drink tea? Coffee? No – it's late…cocoa? "Hot chocolate?"

"Sounds good, thanks." Maddie padded over to the coach, took off her formal shoes which were beginning to form blisters on her feet, and laid down under the heavy blanket, feeling warmer immediately. She strained to hear Deacon talking to her mom over the noise of the kettle.

"Ray?" She thought it was cute that Deacon still had a pet name for her mom. She'd never heard anyone call her that apart from her Uncle Deac – her _dad._ Names were such a weirdly special thing, the way her mom allowed Deacon to call her that without having a diva dip must mean something. She knew so little about their relationship but she knew that they must have really been in love. She'd seen YouTube clips and pictures from when they were touring and performing together and it was exactly like the scenes in the romantic movies she and her sister chose when it was girls' night with mom. She wondered whether Deacon realised he'd called her 'sweet girl,' which was something only her mom called her usually. Maybe he picked it up from her, or was it something he'd called Scarlett and her mom picked it up from him? Either way, she decided she didn't really mind, it was kind of nice. _Maybe I should be calling him dad?_

"Maddie's here, she's fine, she's not hurt, she's just-" Deacon had obviously been cut off by her mom. Was she angry and shouting? Or crying? Or just asking lots of questions? Maddie thought the last option might be the most likely. Her mom was a great person to have around in an emergency because she always stayed calm and got to the bottom of the problem. Whether it was the time that Maddie had accidentally broken Daphne's first ukulele (which she still felt terrible about) or the time Daphne almost cut her finger off trying to make the salad for dinner, their mom was the one to figure out what had happened and what to do next. That was one of the reasons it hurt so much that she'd got that one decision so horribly wrong. What on earth could have made her mom think that lying to her and Deacon was the right decision all these years?

Deacon's voice interrupted the anger she could feel rising and he handed her a steaming mug of hot chocolate. "Sorry there's no tiny marshmallows or cream or anything for the top."

She giggled, sitting up to take the mug from him. "That's fine," he handed her the mug, "thanks."

"So," Deacon started after a pause, watching Maddie take a sip of hot chocolate before deciding it was too hot and settling for wrapping her hands around the mug. "You wanna tell me about it?"

Maddie's head dropped a little. Deacon noted how much she was like her mom, avoiding his eyes so she didn't have to tell him what was hurting her. He knew he'd had his demons over the years, but Rayna had hers too. She didn't turn to the bottle but she kept it all caged inside. He could count on one hand the amount of times he'd seen her really let it all out – crying and screaming till she was hoarse, till he rocked her to sleep. Of course, he guessed there'd been lots of times she'd cried over him when he wasn't there to comfort her. He gulped as the wave of regret threatened to crash down on him in front of Maddie.

"I don't know, I just – my dad – I mean-" Maddie felt awkward using that word in front of Deacon. She faltered and looked up to see if he'd noticed. He had.

"It's ok Maddie, he is your dad and he loves you. He's been there for you all these years." Deacon resisted the urge to clench his jaw. Admitting Teddy had done a good job and taken his place all this time filled him with mixed emotions. He knew he had no right to be angry about the path Rayna has chosen and Teddy had been a much more stable influence on the girls than he might have been, but it sure did hurt to think about how things might have been. Right now though, he knew he needed to toe the line and help to keep Maddie's boat as close to floating as he could.

"Yeh, well he doesn't seem to care much about me and Daphne anymore! I can't believe he'd just ask Peggy to marry him and not even talk to us about it. She's so annoying Deacon, she thinks she can just force her way into the family and tell us what to do! I just feel like I can't deal with this right now!" She started crying again and Deacon moved from his perch on the coffee table, to sit alongside on the couch, gathering her into a hug. As she cried away on his shoulder, he tried to think of what a responsible parent might say. As she held on to the collar of his shirt whilst she cried though, he realised how natural this felt and he reasoned that maybe he already knew what to say, maybe Maddie still needed her Uncle Deacon just as much as she needed her…well….her _dad._ He wondered if she'd ever feel able to call him that.

"Now Maddie listen to me. You gotta talk to your mom about this, and your dad. They both love you very much and I don't know what the solution is, but I sure know it's not running away having everybody worry about you, okay?" He felt her nod against his chest, sniffling lightly as she listened. "Now, you know what I might do in your shoes? And I reckon maybe your momma would do the same? I think I'd write it all down. You started writing any songs yet?"

"Me and Daphne sometimes do," she replied, sitting up and wiping her eyes. Deacon smiled at the look of excitement dancing in her eyes. There was no denying that this girl had music in her veins. Just like both her parents, it was the thing that soothed them, that excited them, that let them escape.

"Well, I actually got you a little present the other day – supposed to be for your birthday but I think maybe you need it now," Deacon rose from the couch and headed over to the fireplace. There was a small package in a brown paper bag, which he handed to Maddie. He didn't want her to think she was being rewarded for running away, but he could see that she was sorry and embarrassed enough already, without him yelling at her. He hoped maybe if she could write in the brown leather notebook he'd spotted in one of those arty stores Scarlett liked, then maybe she wouldn't feel like running away was the only option. It had worked for him more than a few times.

"It's so beautiful," Maddie gasped, running her hands over the cover, "thank you dad!"

They both paused and as their eyes met, shared a smile. It was a special moment to come out of a trying day and Deacon thought his heart might explode. Never in all the years he'd been apart from Rayna had he thought he'd hear someone call him that. He knew that he'd missed his chance with Rayna and he just couldn't imagine having children with any of the women who'd made fleeting appearances in his life over that time.

"You're welcome sweet girl, now you gotta promise me that when you feel like you did tonight, when you feel angry or sad or all different things at once, you talk to your mom, or your dad or me, or you write something down ok? No more running away?"

"I promise."

He gathered her in for a hug just as another knock on the door alerted him to Rayna's arrival. He opened the door and Rayna ran to the couch, gathering Maddie into her arms, kissing her head and face and checking for injuries just like any concerned mom would do.

"She's fine Ray," Deacon offered from across the room, sensing her fear and wanting to stop feeling so helpless, wanting to banish that look of panic from her eyes.

"Maddie! What on earth were you thinking?! Don't EVER run away like that again! Do you know all the terrible things that could have happened to you?! I was going out of my m-"

"Ray! Stop Ray, hey, hey! Ray, she's fine ok?" Deacon had crossed the room in two strides, sensing the anger rising in Rayna and seeing the sadness in Maddie's eyes as the full force of her actions became clear. He knew that this wasn't what their daughter needed to see right now, so he suggested that Maddie make her mom a cup of coffee and heat up her own hot chocolate which sat cold on the table. To make sure teenage ears were really out of range, Deacon led Rayna out to the back porch, pulling a coat of his from the rack and placing it over Rayna's shoulders as he closed the door behind them.

"Y'ok?" Deacon asked after Rayna's breathing seemed to calm a little. She looked quite the picture in her formal gown, heels and his too big jacket, sleeves hiding her delicate hands which he knew would be clenched into fists right about now.

She took a deep breath and let it out in a gasp. "Not really." Keeping one on the porch rail, she turned to face Deacon and tried to wipe away the now falling tears with the other. It was futile though, as the drops came thick and fast, her whimpers growing into sobs as Deacon placed one arm around her waist and used the other to cradle her head against his shoulder, pulling her away from the rail. As her hands came around to grasp at his shirt around the waist, he felt her go almost entirely limp, and so found himself holding her up as she sobbed harder.

"It's ok Ray, she's ok baby, she's safe, she's here," Deacon repeated words of encouragement in her ear until he felt the cries subside and led them both to the porch step to take a seat, hiding them both from the pair of eyes peering through the kitchen window. "She knows what she did wasn't a sensible choice – I tried to make sure she knows that she needs to talk to you, or Teddy even, or…me – I mean if that's ok with you?" Rayna sniffled and nodded, finally meeting his eyes. Deacon was relieved to see less of the panic there, although the hurt was still shining through.

"I've done such a terrible job Deacon – what kind of mom am I if she feels like she needs to run away rather than talking to me? I know she's still mad at me about keeping the two of you in the dark about everything, I just don't know how to fix it and it hurts so much that she won't even look at me sometimes – I feel like I'm losing her."

"Ray. You are an amazing mom, don't ever think that you're anything less than that. All the things you've had to deal with over the years and now everything with Teddy and me and Maddie - it can't be easy being the one that everyone needs to turn to, the one responsible for holding everyone together. Maddie might not understand right now just how hard you've been fighting to give her the life you want for her, but maybe she just needs to hear that? I mean, how much does she know about…..us? I know you might not want to tell her everything right away, but she should know that you made the decision you did because of how I was, because you couldn't depend on me back then."

Rayna's eyes were full of fresh tears, "Deacon, I'm not gonna make you out to be the bad guy here-"

"That's not what you'd be doing Rayna, you'd be telling the truth. You know, Maddie called me 'dad' tonight. I never thought I'd hear that from anyone, let alone someone as beautiful and talented and special as that little girl in there. And it made me realise, that she deserves to be less confused and less hurt about everything, she deserves to know the truth and if that means she sees me differently then so be it. I would rather that than see your relationship with her suffering because you're trying to protect me. As for Teddy's behaviour, well I can't help there but –"

Rayna let out a groan of frustration, "that woman! How could he let her wear the ring so publically like that? I mean, you know how I feel about Peggy Kentor –"

Deacon chuckled, glad to see the fire in her eyes now, like a lioness prepared to do battle to protect her cubs. He had no doubt that left alone, she'd tear Peggy into strips in the time it'd take Teddy to realise what was happening. "I do remember a time when her character was discussed on my couch yes, few choice words you'd rather Maddie didn't hear if I'm right?"

Rayna's laugh joined his and she summoned the strength to stand, taking his hand in hers and helping him up. "Thank you," she said simply. "Thank you for being strong and for being here. Tonight hasn't been the worst night of my life, but pretty close. I knew Maddie would come here because that's what I would do, it's what I have done so many times. I know you think that you let me down, but you're the strongest man I know Deacon, and I'm so grateful for you." She left him speechless as she leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek, before turning and heading back to the kitchen.

Two days later, Rayna and Maddie climbed out of the truck whilst Deacon unloaded their bags. The cabin looked stunning in the sunshine, with the lake glistening through the windows. Maddie ran excitedly from room to room and Rayna felt her heart swell as she shared this special place with her. Turning to Deacon, she thanked him again for having such a great idea and he smiled as he handed over the keys.

"No problem Ray. Now, you know you can call me if you need anything ok?"

After reassurances that she remembered how to light the fire and start the boiler and fasten the windows, she shooed Deacon out of the cabin, reminding him he'd need to come collect them in a couple of days. Maddie and Rayna stood on the porch and waved him away, smiling and feeling lighter than they'd felt in months. That was the magic of the cabin, Deacon thought to himself as he headed back to Nashville.

"So," Rayna started, sitting in the porch swing, with her arm around Maddie's shoulders, "did I ever tell you how I met your father?"


End file.
